Tough Woman's Creed -- the lie and the truth

This is what tough women say:

TRUST no one, especially not men.  If it needs to be done, I can do it myself or find someone to do it for me.  If I have to steal it, sleep for it, or find some other way to do it --I'll do it.  I'll do anything but depend on someone else to do it for me.  I will protect my children like a mother tiger.  No one will harm them or do to them what was done to me.  I love God because He is my ally in the battle.  He's got my back, and  He won't let me down.

(This is what tough women really feel):

I have been hurt and broken so much I don't dare open up my real feelings to another person, but only God knows how much I want to be loved.  I want my daddy back.  I want real love, but all that's offered is a cheap substitute.  Still, I will take it.  I'll do anything for love -- I would steal for it, sleep for it, give up my own self-respect for it.  I would sacrifice my children for it.  I would do whatever it takes to fill this emptiness.

I believe in fantasies.  I believe lies.  But I can't accept the Truth that saves me.

Blaming God: "Who Took My Baby?"

As we go through the questions of the Bible study on "Spiritual Warfare", she rustles the pages with impatience, unable to find verses as quickly as the others, her face darkens.
"I don't know nothing about the Bible," She says finally, glaring at me, expecting who knows what kind of response. "I haven't been sober in eight years.  I'm tired of coming to jail.  I'm tired of this kind of life."

"That's why you're HERE," another one tells her.  "We invited you to bible study because you're tired of that life..."

"Well what's God going to do about it," she wants to know.  "I don't even trust God...he's the one who took my baby.  He's the one who took my father..."

"Why would God take your baby?" I ask  "Do you think God is evil?"

"Well,no...well, yes a little."

"Because to take your baby, something you love,  from you --- someone intentionally trying to hurt you...that someone would be evil, right?"

"Right."

"So you'd have to think  God is evil to take your baby.  You'd have to think that God is someone who doesn't want the best for you, who wants to hurt you."

"Right."  but she is not so certain now, now that her fears are out in the open. 

"But honestly, I don't see it that way.  All I see when I look at God is pure love."

"So who took my baby?"

It's the question we all ask.  Who took my baby -- my happy marriage -- my lucrative job -- my health -- my bank account?  Who took the only thing I had that made me feel important or secure?

What's the deeper question?  Why am I suffering? Why is this world so painful? Why can't I have what I want?    Is it because of our fallen world, sin-sick and wounded?  Is it because God wants us to learn reliance on Him?  Is it Satan and his minions messing with us, tempting us to sin even more?

I have friends who argue that God does what He wants.  Yes, God took your baby because He had a greater purpose in all of the events of your life.  Look, it brought you here, didn't it?   I have friends who say that Satan is the father of sin, sickness, and death -- this is his dominion and he's calling the shots. I have friends who believe that God stands outside the box once the start button has been pushed on our lives:  every occurrence is a consequence of our behavior from the beginning.  We do it to ourselves. 

Every answer reflects a different view based on their own learning and experience.  I imagine that some would answer:  There is no God.  Stuff just happens.

I can say only this:  There is a God. Of this I have no doubt.  Babies die.  People die.  Nothing is permanent.  The woundedness inside this Tough Woman goes so far beyond the death of her baby that I can't even begin to count her sorrows.  She is at the starting point with God.  I can't wait to see where He takes her. This is the joy of my life -- to introduce wounded people to the Healer.

"God, this is Lisa.  Lisa, this is God."

"Oh yes," He says, "We've already met..."

Giving them a place to Heal

My heart's desire comes from a place of solitude and offering a safe, receptive, affirming place for women who are broken and need healing.  The literal place I have to offer is a concrete room, twenty by ten in size, where six adults feels like too many.  In this room, there is safety.  There is music, a tissue box, and an ear to hear.  There is community, prayer, affirmation, and forgiveness.  Broken, tough women have a place to tell their stories in confidence.  They comfort, teach, and heal each other.  They live with each other day and night.  Yesterday, one of them asked me to get someone in to lead groups for drug addiction.  They want a 12-step group.  I said, “You do it.”  Then one of them said, “Yeah, I’ve been in lots of those groups.  I know how to lead that.”  Wow. Right then, she was affirmed and believing that she could do something better with her life than kite checks.  I have seen several of these women grow in their confidence as believers, as doers, as givers of their gifts.  Watching God heal women through me is the most precious experience I have had in my life.  It is giving birth, which I was never able to do.  It is celebrating every person who gave me a hand and a word and a prayer along the way.  

To Label Me...

Soren Kierkegaard said, "To label me is to negate me".  As we define someone, we disregard the fullness of that person's potential to be so many other things.

I think it goes beyond even that -- "to label me is to potentially block me from receiving the richness of God's goodness!"  If you call me "learning disabled" or "diabetic" or "homeless" or "Baptist", and if I buy into that label as who I am -- a name tag that I must identify with -- then I am less able to believe I am also "brilliant", "healthy", "connected", or "in love with Jesus"

I am not saying that to be diabetic, for example, is an illusion.  True, the lab reports show that your body is not functioning as it should and something needs to be done about it before more harm is done to your body.  But that is not who you are.

To say you are "an addict" has a deep, alienating impact on your soul.  True, at this moment you may be struggling with your dependency on a substance or a person or a position.  Something needs to be done about it.  You need a place to go where you are loved and cared for -- where people connect with you on a deep, meaningful level.  You also need to give up your dependency, but to do it in a vacuum, without the belief that anything of value will take its place leaves you with a hole inside of you that can't be filled.  If you believe you are "an addict", then you are "an addict".  When will it ever end unless you say, "I am not an addict any longer." ?

The more you buy into your label, the harder it will be to achieve the very connection you require for your healing. 

Last night I watched a transformation take place at my Table Church, where I go every Friday night  to meet God and a bunch of people with all kinds of minimizing labels, according to the world. 

I watched a man who could be labeled "recently released inmate" or "homeless person"    restored to his dignity as a child of the King of Glory.  I watched him become filled with the knowledge that he is a family member, that God has a plan for him, that he is worthy of being called "son".

You should have seen his face light up.  You should have seen the shoulder slump rise.  You should have seen him pray over another brother who needed help and comfort.

"Son" "Beloved" "Brother" -- now, if you have to live with a label...

The Healing Thing-- more Spiritual Gifts?

I think women especially  understand how it all comes into play -- that physical, emotional, spiritual chaotic mixture that makes "me".

 So many hurts, so many issues:  some physical, some emotional, some spiritual --  they are almost always knitted together and cannot be segmented and treated separately.  You see it in their eyes, hear it in their voices, sometimes -- if they are able, you will see it in their tears and in their words.

Look deeper and you will see it in their physical and emotional diseases, too.

We all need healing!


Now this whole notion of being healed through the Holy Spirit  -- delivered through the prayers of  other believers, for me, is a bit shaky.  I, like many evangelicals, have been turned off by the ranting and raving of televised healers, the pushing of the forehead, the falling down.  It looks like a carnival act for money.


On the other hand, it is obvious that  God heals us in many ways-- we grow, sometimes in spite of our efforts, we change, we become closer to Him as we slough off the sins of our flesh and cling to Him.  We are being healed in many ways every day -- as we agree to do what He tells us to do.

So where does He stop?  How much healing does He do?  Does He stop at the flesh, which is being corrupted anyway, so why bother?  Jesus healed all the time He was walking on earth -- and He told the disciples to keep doing it as well.  Does He heal the mind?  Does He heal the emotions?

Through a number of recent circumstances, I am coming to the realization  that God might actually want to use His children on earth today to heal others -- to use them as vessels of His power.  (Clogged, imperfect, leaky vessels to be sure -- but still useful.)

 I mean, He has given us gifts, right?  Every believer receives spiritual gifts to use. For what?  Why does God "need" us to use the gifts? He is a sovereign God who can do whatever He wants when He wants.  Why would He use us at all?

The only reason I can come up with is that it benefits us somehow to use His gifts to minister to other believers,  to make their lives better, and to be a demonstration of God's power  so that others will believe and come to Him.

It is His desire to see us inhabiting fully functioning, happy, peaceful lives so that we can impart our stability and freedom and assurance onto the lives of others.  He wants to get into the deep stuff, clear it out, and give us freedom to live for Him in a way that is not painful to ourselves and to others around us.  He wants to put us on solid ground so that we can throw a rope to the ones who are drowning.

Put that way, I can buy into the "healing thing". I guess I can believe even today, lives can be changed by God's incredible warming, comforting, blinding, purifying Light.  I guess I can believe that even today, people could help in aiming the Light to the place that needs healing.

It Aint No Struggle, Really...

Struggling believers often quote Paul's dilemma in Romans 7 as a justification for their difficulty in overcoming their sin:

Well what about Paul?, the argument goes,  Look at how he struggled with doing what was right.

They quote:   I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.(Romans 7:14)


So if Paul, I mean PAUL the incredible zealot who gave up his entire adult life for Christ struggles, then why shouldn't I?


Here's what I see today, and you can correct me if I'm wrong:  Paul was making a point  here that started way before this verse.  He's talking about sin and why we sin and if we should even sin in this new Spirit state that we have received.  But the point he is making does not end at this verse!

I believe it ends in Chapter 8:

But you are not controlled by your sinful nature.  You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you (And remember that those who do not have the spirit of Christ living in them are not Christians at all) (Romans 8:9)....
So dear brothers (that sounds like a summation to me!) you have no obligation whatsoever to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. (Romans 8:12)  

THIS is his point -- not that issue back in Romans 7, but here in Romans 8:  we don't have to sin and if we do it's because we CHOOSE to!  Come on, what's the purpose of having God's Holy Spirit living in us, directing us, infusing us with wisdom if we aren't going to allow Him to change our lives?  Here is the real struggle:  is it Him or is it Me?

I know that many argue about whether or not Paul was speaking about himself as a Jew before conversion in Romans 7,  or whether it was a personal, autobiographical statement of what was going on in his life at that moment.

I don't think it really matters.  What matters is that although we may struggle with the CHOICE of doing right or wrong (i.e. submitting to the Holy Spirit or not), we struggle not because we  have to, but because we want what we want when we want it.

Now where those desires come from is another question for another day...

I have been accused of being condemning and harsh when I bring up the Truth of Scripture in light of something that a person has been describing that's going on in her life.  Ironically, this comes from people within the church more than in the jail.

(People in jail know they need help!  It's us "free people" who are truly caught up in the snares of our sins and justifications.)

But anyone who knows me well knows that I have had  a whole litany of sins in my  life -- starting with number One and going all the way to Ten on the list in Exodus.  I haven't avoided one of them.

In my experience, freedom comes from allowing the healing, penetrating, powerful heat of God's Holy Spirit to get inside of us and do His redemptive work, not to run from it.

Well it's hard!   some people tell me.

Yes, it is hard to put yourself in the spotlight and ask God to burn it all off -- all the dross, all the impurities, all the ugliness that we have been carrying around inside us for years and years.  It's embarrassing.  It's humiliating.  It's painful.

And it's worth it.  What could be more fulfilling than to bask in that Light-- be warmed by that same, sweet, penetrating Light, be comforted, be given strength and purpose?

The rewards so outweigh the painful process that brings you there...

Finding Healing-- Speaking in Tongues for the First Time

Repressed Baptists don't know much about the Holy Spirit. It's a sad truth, but one that must be faced. We hear the words and we read about it all through Scripture, but for the most part, the best we can do is to relate it to the feelings of peace we have during prayer, the thrill we have when we're singing during worship.

It is difficult for us to come to terms with the reality that the Spirit of the Living God is here -- on the inside of us, working, prodding, speaking, moving. It takes catastrophic experiences, sometimes, to blast us into the next level.

I am speaking about my own experience. It might be different for others, but I think there are a number of God-fearing Christ-followers who know this to be true.

There is no question that we are saved -- we can stand at the throne of Grace boldly because we love Jesus, we live our lives for Him, we worship Him with our our decisions, our time, our money, our efforts. We often feel His presence. But the Holy Spirit? It is that ephemeral, ghost-like apparition that puzzles us. What do we "do" with It? or is it Him?

Some things we just gloss over in Scripture -- or we say things like, "Well that was then, and this is now..." Does the Holy Spirit really have to operate like He did in the book of Acts today? I mean, we've got the Bible, don't we?

Some people even believe it is nearing blasphemy to say that the Holy Spirit is operating full-force today. But this is what Jesus says to His disciples:

  It's actually best for you that I go away, because if I don't the Counselor won't come.  If I do go away, He will come because I will send Him to you and when He comes...He will guide you into all truth.  He will tell you about the future.  He will bring me glory by revealing to you whatever He receives from Me. (John 16:  5 - 15, NLT)

Are we to assume that this revelation stopped at some point along the way?


All this is coming to me today. This morning. I have spent the last hour doing something I didn't even believe in 2 years ago -- speaking in tongues. The few moments I had of "earth thinking" while it was going on I was thinking to myself -- "Okay, now you really have gone nuts. The pressure of living through your husband's death and everything that followed has finally brought you to madness."

The rest of the time I was saying "Oh Yippeeee! Now I get it. Now I see it. Now I know what this is about."


Apparently, I have the gift of sobbing tongues because every time I have spoken in tongues (this was the longest by far), I sobbed from deep within. I know certainly that this is a healing process. God is pulling out all of the stuff that's been bottled up for years and years and years. I know also -- don't ask me how, I just do -- that my healing is leading to the healing of others. So through this magnificent experience I am made aware of one thing: we all need healing.  There is so much going on outside that reflects what is broken inside.

Of course to have the Holy Spirit, the Comforter,  does not mean you must speak in tongues or have a dramatic manifestation. 
I am not suggesting that every believer should speak in tongues.  I have gone for thirty years as a believer without the experience.  I could have continued a wonderful, fruitful Christ-filled ministry without it for the rest of my earthly life.

But why would I?  Wow.  I feel like I've been living in a glorious mansion for many years and just discovered the secret room where generations before me have stashed their treasures.

God has presented me with a way to be fully healed and to heal others on my way.  Broken hearts and lives cannot stand up to this.

Street sick confessions: Working in the Jail

They spill all the memories, in a way that they have not done before:  wide-open with a touch of that jail house humor that prevents real emotions.  They relate the events of their lives like a movie from a distance.  No one is allowed to cry.  Not them.  Not I.  One drop of tears and we would never stop. The oceans would not hold all the tears we have to cry.

I was gang-raped by six men, says one
My mother's boyfriend pushed my face into a pot of spaghetti.
I had a circular bruise for weeks, says another.
I woke up naked in the middle of the city.
I stole my grandmother's jewelry for dope.

I don't know who has my children. 


Any response would be cheap and thin:
Oh, I'm sorry
Gee that must have hurt.
Are you better now?
Look up and be strong.
God is right around the corner
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
How is it that you decided to continue living?
My, doesn't God work in mysterious ways?
It's a test
It's your destiny
In 50 years it won't matter


No, rather than respond,
I sit in my sagacity
like a grey post
Hearing between the breaths -- 
mine and theirs --
Help me. Help me. Help me.
And when they are done,
I peddle away in my car,
To my home,
To my flannel sheets,
Where I cocoon myself
and weep and weep and weep.

Gaining Weight -- it's a good thing!

I remember reading of a sociological study in which poor children were asked to estimate the size of a quarter.  Invariably they drew a circle much larger than an actual quarter.  They supersized the thing they valued.  We do the same -- not in actual, tangible size, perhaps -- but we give greater space, greater "weight"  to the things most valuable to us.

And we devalue the things we look down upon.  On the street, to "dis" is to disrespect, diminish, make less important and less valuable. Someone's diss opens the door to all kinds of "justifiable" retaliation. 

I was struck recently with just how key this notion of value is to the process of healing.   Consider this -- if you were devalued as you grew up and shown repeatedly that you were not important to the world around you.  If you were ignored by the busy, important people around you, pushed to the side in favor of other, more pressing matters -- sometimes physically pushed to the side, sometimes emotionally --the result would be your seeing yourself as transparent, weightless, in a sense -- without substance or power to make changes in your environment

  You are marginal, and no one cares about you.


Some who are pushed aside lash out against that sense of  weightlessness with an emotional script that runs something akin to what plays out on the street when one person is dissed by another.

You think I don't matter?  You think I'm inconsequential?  Well, watch this...

A courtroom scene was described to me recently:

The judge was awestruck by the support given a particular offender.  His advocates stood beside him and vouched for his value.  He is worth the trouble, they said, with their words and presence. He matters.  He is not invisible.  We care what happens to him.  He will not pay us anything.  He does not owe us anything.  We just care about him and what happens to him.  We think he makes a diffference in this world.

What strikes me is the similarity between this scene and the scene played out in the Heavenly Court, when Jesus Christ stands in our staid -- interceding for us, defending us, telling God -- She's important to Me.  I planned her!   I would lay down my life for her.

There is great healing in realizing that you matter -- that you have weight -- that you are not "nothing"--  that someone  will take time to listen to you, to notice that you exist, that you have something to say.  It is amazing to find it in another person -- but it is almost incomprehensible to find it in God Himself.


What is man that you are mindful of him, wrote David in the book of Psalm.

How could this speck of dust floating randomly in space catch Your attention -- why would we matter at all to You?


Yet, amazingly we do matter to God.  He is intimately acquainted with us -- He knows us through and through and He cares.

You have searched me and known me...You are intimately acquainted with all my ways...You have enclosed me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me. Psalm 139:3


And because we matter to Him, we can care about others and give them weight, and that's a good thing.

Sins of the Past --- Satan's Playbook

According to Scripture, God doesn't remember our sins.  They are as far as the East is from the West.  But apparently, others do...

It is amazing how the sins of the past can hunt you down.  You are living a life free from the worries and complications that used to bind you, and suddenly you open a door or click on an email and POW -- there is the reminder of when you  stood on a shaky foundation and Satan wants to remind you of how badly you behaved -- how many people you hurt along the way.  Even though you know it's Satan working against you,  and even though you know it's an illusion because the past is gone, you ache with remorse and worry that you will never be able to shake these issues.

This happened to me recently.  My late-husband's ex-wife wrote to remind me of how my husband and I  had failed the children we all had in common.  Children who are in their mid-twenties now and are acting out their issues in painful ways.  She is correct. We failed.  We all failed.  We chose the road mostly taken -- self gratification and self-preservation. 

I am deeply sorry for my part in the mess.  I have made amends to my stepsons, and we have good, solid healthy relationships at this point.  I am in their lives to encourage them and to help them however I can.  I pray for them, I love them, and I love the ones they love.  What else can I do at this point?

This woman, however, desires to remind me of my inadequacies and those of my late- husband, who is no longer alive to defend himself.  And I get angry, and I get frustrated, and I lose my peace when I don't want to.

I want to retaliate.  I want to defend.  I want to show my teeth and tear some flesh, and then I am horrified at the reaction. Where is the strength of His joy?  Where is the acknowledgment of Him in all my ways?  How do I let myself become so unsettled, so pulled in to this snare?

What a blatant reminder all of this is to the Daily Surrender: Surrendering past sins and missteps.  Surrendering my penchant for control.  Submitting it -- utterly -- to His Hands, and then putting my own hands to work for something good and constructive.

We have today, right now to make amends.  We cannot wallow in the mistakes of the past -- it is counter-productive.  Once we have brought them to the Light and received forgiveness and healing, we must let them rest.  When they are brought up again, we must surrender them to the control of the One who controls.  To take them back again, like a rotted bone dug up, to gnaw and worry over is playing right into Satan's plan to keep us looking back -- the most exhausting and depleting of human activity.

Bulldozers, Escapists, Doormats and Saints -- Hopes for the New Year

I bought myself a gift for Christmas this year -- a book* on confronting without offending.  It's a good gift for someone who likes to speak her mind and often says things like, "Oh, I wish I hadn't said that..."after the words fall out of her mouth.

Here's what I'm learning:  There are four kinds of approaches to confrontation:  The Bulldozers (The book calls it them Dictators), the Escapists (the book calls them Abdicators), the Doormats (the book calls them Accomodators)  and The Peacemaker--the ones who make it all work out to everyone's advantage. (the book calls them Collaborators). 

I am a Bulldozer who wants to be a Peacemaker.

As a Bulldozer,   I plow through situations without a lot of forethought -- because, hey, why do I have to think it through?  Don't I already know how this situation is going to play out? Haven't I already been here a hundred times before?  Bulldozers don't wait around for others -- they know what they want and they go for it.  They don't listen.  They don't consider.  But here's the truth about Bulldozers:  We are fearful.

Bulldozers have learned that the best Defense is a Noisy Offense.  It works most of the time, too. You get what you want, when you want it...only Bulldozers often discover the destruction they have left behind when it is too late.

Then there is the Escapist -- One wrong move, and these folks run for the hills.  You find them living in the hills, away from population.  I found extreme cases of Escapists in Key West (as far South as you can go) -- Hawaii, (as far West as you can go), Alaska (you get the picture...)  For those who don't have the financial resources to escape geographically, they escape by other means -- drinking, drugs, quitting jobs without explanation, leaving relationships either through work-addiction, adultery, hobbies...
They hop around because they don't want to involved since involvement means committment, and committment means having to stay in something even when it gets dicey.

Escapists are the ephemeral folks in your life that you can never really pin down because they get quietly offended and move out of your life without a word.  They never say "Goodbye" or "Screw You" or anything. You just look around one day and they are gone.  It is so difficult to make relationships work with them because they won't stay around long enough to even try.  They burrow into their comfortable place and disappear.  Fear rules them, too, but they just respond differently from the Bulldozer.

Doormats are, well, Doormats.  They put up with just about everything to make things "easy" and "workable" and "fun" and "OKAY".  Doormats have no boundaries. They let people in from every direction and through every device available in the 21st Century.  They want to get along but at the root of every doormat is a motherload of bitterness and resentment.

They want people to notice how overloaded they are -- but then they take on more and more and more.  They have headaches and neckaches and upset stomachs and JUST NEED TO REST every once in a while, but they rarely do, because there is always someone else needing help.  They don't say what they want because they are fearful that if they do, everyone will leave, or dislike them, or that there will be chaos. They just allow things to  happen, but they are deeply frustrated in the process.

Of course the Peacemaker is the one every Christ-follower strives to be -- the one who can work things out and help everyone walk away from the situation a better person.  This is the Ephesians 4:29 person who speaks in a way that gives grace to everyone in ear shot.  No one is offended, no one feels diminished through the encounter.

This is my heart's desire -- to be that Peacemaker.  It's my goal for the New Year -- to be kind to others, tender hearted, forgiving each other,  to take on what's mine and nothing else, to have healthy, life-producing and satisfying relationships, to edify with my words, and not tear down. 

It's a long jump from Bulldozer to Peacemaker,  but God is a God of bridges between gaps, of restoration and healing.  He is the Light.  He can quiet my tongue and soothe my spirit, if I give Him all my fears and self-protective strategies. He has taken me from Broken to Whole, from Lost to Saved, from Confused to Certain -- why couldn't He take me to Peacemaker?









*Confronting Without Offending by Deborah Smith Pegues  (Harvest House Publishers, 2009)



 
 
 

A great gift for Christmas...

One by one they file into the small room I humorously call the "holy of holies", a concrete space of ten feet by thirteen feet -- cluttered with small tables and chairs, two computers, a locked cabinet, an antique file cabinet, and a table/desk sturdy enough for me to sit on, while the other chairs are occupied by the women in ill-fitting, orange jump suits and black rubber crocs.  There are no windows, the door locks behind them.  It could be claustrophobic, if you thought of it that way -- I prefer to think of it as an oasis of peace.  I play a favorite song from the computer speakers:  You are awesome in this place, Abba Father... and the tears begin to flow.  Tears that have been held back until now.  Tears that show all the aching inside.

The ritual of our weekly Bible study is little more, in my view, than an opportunity to be here, together, and invite God's healing presence into our lives.  We learn from the Bible study, of course -- but the true learning takes place in the spaces between the questions.  "Does God love me?"   "Where are my kids?"  "Can I be forgiven for all I've done?"  "Can I make it up to my family?"

One woman in particular is troubled with the idea that God does not love her enough to send her a job, give her a car and things that "other, good people" have.  She is on "work release" which means she is able to go out and try to find a job where she can work while she is incarcerated.  It seems to her that everyone but she is blessed, and that God is punishing her for her many sins by not giving her what she most desires right now in her life.

Does anyone else feel that God is angry with her for all the wrong she has done? I ask.  Many nod yes.

What do you think God sees when He looks at you?


A mess.  A screw up.  Someone who can't control her temptations.

I asked the woman if she thought she had come to the place in her life when she had trusted God, had said yes to the invitation of Christ to come in and have a relationship with her, to give her the Holy Spirit?

She said she had.

  We all go to the third chapter of the letter that Paul wrote to the church in Rome -- Here is says, in verse 22:  We are made right in God's sight when we trust in Jesus Christ to take away our sins.  And we all can be saved in this same way, no matter who we are or what we have done.    For all have sinned; all fall short of God's glorious standard.  Yet now God in his gracious kindness declares us not guilty.

Now there is phrase that resonates with a room full of inmates:  God declares us "not guilty".

They eye me suspiciously -- tough women can't trust very well . 

It says you aren't guilty and you stand clean before God's eyes.

"And what if I sin again?"  one woman asks

"Then you ask for forgiveness," another one answers.

Silence.

"And again?"

"You ask for forgiveness."

They are all thinking the same thing:  "And again and again and again and again?  Doesn't he ever get tired of our messing up?"

Questions and What's Behind Them

Jesus ran into them:  questions to trap Him.   They were carefully constructed questions that would test his mettle:  Should we pay taxes?  Should we stone this adultress?

The questioners didn't want the answer, necessarily; they wanted to put Him into a box, make Him look bad, show Him for the poser they thought Him to be -- set Him up.

Another kind of question is a true, searching question, but with the feeling that the questioner already knows the answer, but wants to find some way to justify:  "I've done everything I can to be saved...what could possibly be left?" the rich young ruler wants to know. "I only started the sacrifices because you were late, " says King Saul to Samuel -- "What did you expect me to do?"

Here's a question posed to me in the ladies' Bible study yesterday in the jail:

"Is it a sin for me to sell drugs so my babies can eat -- cause I can't work and I can't get disability -- and I know if I had the chance, I'd do it again?" 

In other words:  Will God judge me for breaking the law if it's the only way I can eat and feed my family?

Now posing questions to answer questions is an age old technique:  When Peter was telling Jesus what everyone thought about Him, Jesus asked, "Well who do YOU think I am?" 

The Socratic Method, named after the Classical Greek philosopher Socrates,  is based on asking questions to stimulate debate

One Jewish writer says:  "as God leads us out of bondage in Egypt so the act of questioning leads us out of the bondage of ignorance."


There is nothing wrong with questions -- and the simple act of asking them aloud causes us to learn, before the answer is even offered.  Too often the teacher wants to rush in and answer without making true reflection available.

Doug Pollock, author of God Space and Irresistible Evangelism, believes in Questions. In fact, he offers a whole list of them on his website http://www.godsgps.com/ called "Wondering Questions".



So to the question about whether or not it is a sin to sell drugs to feed ones' babies, I give another question:
"Well, what do you think?"

In answering her own question, many truths are revealed:  she believes it IS wrong, she feels guilty, she honestly feels trapped by her lack of options. "But what about my babies.  I can't let them starve."

"Well where are your babies now?" another girl answers.  Are they better off where they are now, with you in here?

I said nothing(anything I was going to say would have sounded judgemental and alienating, I'm almost sure), and let the other women in the room answer the question, along with the questioner.  The power and wisdom of God was clearly at work, and the process so much more powerful than my going to Scripture, pointing to THE ANSWER, and moving on.

As a result of the questions and the discussion that followed, I learned (these ladies feel desperately trapped by their poverty and lack of options), they learned (it's okay to ask questions -- I already have the answers within me, through the Counselor living within me...) and we were willing to move forward in faith.  Later in the session, we discussed Advent and its meaning.  I had chosen a verse for the occasion before the class, but when it was read, God's ANSWER was manifest: Isaiah 1:18-20 (New Living Translation)

18 “Come now, let’s settle this,”

says the Lord.

“Though your sins are like scarlet,

I will make them as white as snow.

Though they are red like crimson,

I will make them as white as wool.

19 If you will only obey me,

you will have plenty to eat.

20 But if you turn away and refuse to listen,

you will be devoured by the sword of your enemies.

I, the Lord, have spoken

"I guess he's talking to me," says the questioner. 

Are you a boy or are you a girl? Gender Continuum and Ministry

The Gender Contiuum:



I genuinely struggle with this one: the women who are determined to be manly, the man who cultivates his femininity.

Take Gypsy, for example. Gypsy is what the world would suggest is a “woman trapped within a man’s body”. The Christ-follower, however, might say (as a friend of mine said to me): “God doesn’t put oranges on apple trees.”

In other words, that it is impossible for a man to be trapped in his own body and that he only feels that he is “an orange” based on some sinful consequence (not necessarily his/hers, but from somewhere along the ancestral line).

Yesterday, I gave my class of inmates a writing assignment: Tell about the bravest thing you have ever done. Gypsy wrote that her bravest act is living as she feels: as a woman, despite her parent’s objections, despite the objections of her (Christian) upbringing.

Gypsy wears an expression of tolerance and determination: I have never seen her without it. She is kind, thoughtful, delicate in her wording – all the things I have struggled to be in my life – all the things that were “feminine” I was told – all the things I have generally failed to achieve. I barge in, I speak directly, I often trample over people’s feelings in an effort to explain my views. In every way, I could be called (and have been called) “indelicate”, “forceful”, “opinionated”. These are characteristics we generally award men.

Gypsy endures all the ridicule that comes her way – I can only imagine how much more in her cell with males – with a charm and grace I could only dream of having.

In my Bible Study for women at the same jail, there are women who are rough and salty:
pierced, large, painfully rude, and aggressive. They get in my face, forget to say thank you, yawn loudly and wonder how much longer we have to go on with this particular subject.

Now these are women I identify with. I don’t feel comfortable with them all the time. I don’t even like them all the time, but I identify with them. These are the Tough Women. These are the women who learned to push back before they were trampled. These are the women whose souls are so pink and raw inside that they have to spackle them with a crusty exterior.

So which ones are men and which ones are women? Are we defined by our genitals or by our outer mannerisms? Are we defined by how we see ourselves? How we are seen by others? By God?

I am not going into the sexual choices that these outer manifestations of gender often stir up. Sex without marriage is wrong in my view, regardless of where one places him/herself on the gender continuum.

My question is this: What is “a man” and what is “a woman”?

When interviewed recently, the grandmother of the South African runner, Caster Semenya, whose gender has been disputed said, “ What can I do when they call her a man, when she’s really not a man? It is God who made her look that way?”

I also know that the bible speaks of eunuchs, the only real example I can find in God’s word about “gender confusion”:

For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it." Matthew 9:12

But it is not confusion at all, really: some eunuchs were made eunuchs for the purpose of protecting their female mistresses (Candace, Esther to name a couple from the Bible). Others become “eunuchs” for spiritual purposes – keeping themselves spiritually and physically uncontaminated so that they can achieve their God-given mission on earth more completely, without distractions (Paul is a famous example). In both cases, the purpose is clear and is often a choice of the one being “eunuch-ized”

Tony Warren of The Mountain Retreat (online) says,

It's the way of the world today to turn everything upside down. To esteem bad as good, and good as bad. To make quoted scripture evil legalism and un-compassionate…

Apostasy and sloppy exegesis mixed with carnal or humanistic thinking has also brought these abominable ideas into the churches. Many people today just don't care what the Word of God says. They just want to be called a Christian and to live in peace with the world. They are just too deceived to understand that peace with the world, is enmity with God.

Here’s what I know to be true: Any brokenness can be healed by God. Any blight brought upon us by generations before us can be taken away by the power of The Spirit living within us when we accept God’s deal: the Great Exchange – our ashes for His Beauty.  This can be the compulsion to drink or to control or to deny our sexuality.

We are who we are at the moment, in the Now. Those of us who are true Christ-followers need look no further than within ourselves – we have the Mind of Christ, we have the Spirit of God living within us. He will teach us. He will counsel.

Anyone who does not have the Spirit of God living within them at this moment can, in the next moment. Just ask. He will dine with you. He will commune with you. He will live with you forever. You will be comforted and directed onto the correct path.

In the meantime, we must not retreat from the issues that are presented to us in this world, at this time: some people don’t feel comfortable in their own skin. Some people have been oppressed by others – even within the church – and have been wounded and pushed away.

And we, as followers of Christ, are called to compassion, to true agape love.  We cannot sift whom we will love from whom we will not love.  It's just not an option.  We are not the sifters, after all.  It's not our job.  Our job is to show the love of Christ in all situations and to all people, and to keep our eyes on our own faults and frailties. 

I choose to love Gypsy and the boisterous women inside the jail -- and the ones outside the jail, too.

Demon Tweets don't touch the Mind of Christ

One or two phrases meant to impact deeply:  that's a tweet.  Just a sentence or two -- in this ADD culture, it's about all we can take in at a time. I mean just pick up a book written before 1970.  Look at the spaces. There aren't any!  It just goes on, page after page, with no let up.  No paragraph headings to help us figure out what's coming next:  we are expected to sit still and absorb a lot of information, and process it. 

Today there are fewer words, more space, shorter sentences:  and the tweet is the essence of all of that.

And one of the most effective tweets we get is what I call "the demon tweet".  It's that little message, short and sour, that doesn't come on your phone or computer:  it comes from deep within.  It tweets that you aren't good enough, you're messing up, you're a lost cause, you'll never get it, it's too late for you, you're too old, you're used up, you've gone too far, no one loves you, everyone hates you, your sins are too messy, your temptations are too strong, you're too fat, your eyes are too close together, your hips are too big, your boobs are too small, you're off key, you're not creative, you can't do math, you can't learn, you can't remember, no one wants to hire you, you'll never have a job you enjoy, your relationships will always fail, you're damaged goods...

Where do these ideas come from?  Why do they keep playing over and over in your mind? 

Yes, it might have been what your mom told you, or your dad told you, or your teachers told you, or your spouse told you. Somewhere along the line, you got this idea...but why did it stick?  Why does it keep coming back?  Didn't anyone ever tell you anything good?  Why don't you remember that? 

How can a twenty-four year old decide that life has already passed her by?  How can a thirty-two year old decide that having an affair is the only way to spice up her life?  How can a forty year old become addicted to cosmetic surgery?

it's the tweets --

There is a weapon against the tweets.  I read this morning that when we first believe in Jesus Christ, we are given The Mind of Christ.  How can these tweets have any impact at all when we have the Mind of Christ? I have a friend who frequently reminds me that we have to put it on every day.  Before we step one foot out of the bed in the morning, we have to be armed -- pull out your weapon, put on your bullet proof vest, cover your head with the impenetrable Word.  The tweets will come -- be ready.

Out of Options -- Coming to The Truth

Heather burst into tears after a good ten minutes of sucking it up.  Slowly, she began to talk about the troubles she was having, the unfair punishment she was enduring, the people she was having to put up with back in her block.

         I mean on the street I would have been drunk.  I would've smoked a blunt.  I would've cut myself by now.  I would have stopped this pain somehow.  But in here.  God!  I'm out of options!

And with those words, she sank into herself.  She just gave up.

I'm out of options!   Could God hear any sweeter words coming from our lips?

That doesn't seem like a good thing to most people, I know.  We are an independent culture -- the strong thrive.  We don't go for help:    We do.  We make.  We survive.

This hurts so much!  she sobbed.

      Of course it does, I told her. You're going through it.  You're finally feeling it.

 Another woman rubbed her shoulder, You'll be a'right, baby -- it's somethin' we all go through when we finally come  to the truth.

The truth.

What is "truth"?  It was a question Pilate posed to Jesus as he was wrestling with the idea of putting an innocent man to death.  Truth is one thing.  "The Truth"  is another.  "The Truth"  is singular and final.  It is the root of existence.  Once you know that, everything else clicks into place.

Jesus said of Himself:  I am The Truth.

Heather just stood there before Him, like we all must do when we run out of options, hands empty -- without a clue how to get out of that knotted predicament where she found herself.

And did she even feel it?

The Transformation has taken place:  The Divine Exchange was made.

His righteousness for her sinful past.

Although it will take a lifetime of committment to take this journey, she was healed in an instant.

Although everything she has learned about life in this world is upside down and counter-productive, she now has within her all the Truth and Knowledge she needs.

Although she went to bed on an old steel bunk tonight, she is a Princess --daughter of the King!

Does she know it?  Will she live it all out? 
I told her I'd be there when she gets out on Tuesday -- and we'll see.  We'll just see.

Another week has passed:  Heather is on the street, with her new Bible and my phone number, but she has never called.  Apparently it's one thing in there and another thing out here.  Sometimes I think some of them would be better off just staying inside, where they can get some protection and food and a good Bible study.  A couple of days ago I read in the paper that a former inmate was found dead.  Twenty four years old.  She had left the jail a month before. 

I am getting a new perspective on ministry:  you just do what you can, while you can, when you can and you leave the rest up to Him. 

Too Good to Be True

Tough women are savvy -- they know what's what.  They are not often conned.  They are suspicious because they have been fooled before. So I wasn't surprised to see that skeptical look in Heather's eyes:  skeptical and hopeful too.


What do you mean God sees me as perfect?  She wanted to know. How could that be?


It's a ridiculous concept for those of us who know we are sinners, who have committed some pretty awful acts in these bodies to think that God-- who is perfect and complete and, oh by the way,  the Creator of the Universe,  could accept us as equally perfect?


I mean, He could have pity.  He could say -- yeah, you're messed up, but I'll let you in Heaven anyway.  That I could understand.


But perfect?


Here's one verse in Colossians:  ...He has brought you into His own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before Him without a single fault.


Here's another:  God has utterly wiped out the written evidence of broken commandments, which always hung over our heads and has completely annulled it...


Ro 3:24 We are... freely pronounced righteous
 Utterly wiped out?  Completely annulled?  Holy and blameless?  Righteous? Without a single fault?








There are many more statements like that in the Bible:   too- good- to- be- true statements that any savvy, streetwise, skeptical tough woman would find a little hard to swallow.


What's the catch? Of course we all want to know that.  Everybody knows there is no free lunch -- nobody does nothing for nothing.


The catch is this:  you can't do anything to deserve it.  You can't work for it.  You can't earn it.  You can't compete for it.  You can't outdo someone else for it.  You can't give anything in exchange for it.  You can't DO anything.


That's enough to make a tough woman cry. 


Oh Jesus, here's the catch:  All you've got to do is let it happen.


You've got to be vulnerable.  You've got to be accepting.  You've got to be loved like you've never been loved in all of your hard-working, stressed-out, energy-sapping, heart-breaking life.


The stuff that happens after this acceptance?  That's not really up to you, either.  Once you've fallen in love, and taken His hand and said, "I do",  it's up to Him where we go next.  That's not so easy for the tough woman either.  We've been THERE before, we think to ourselves -- trusting someone who SAYS they'll take care of you but doesn't show up when it really counts.


This is different.  Remember?  When He sees you He sees nothing but love.  And -- oh by the way -- He's the Creator of the Universe.  What could go wrong?


(  Verses quoted in different versions:  Colossians 1:22, Col 2:14 , Romans 3:24)

Full Storage Space: Self-Condemnation takes up a lot of room

The one thing that always amazes me as I drive from my home in the country to the city -- the number of storage spaces.  It seems that wherever I go, new land is being cleared to develop large buildings where people store their stuff that doesn't fit into their homes.  I am not going to comment on what that's all about -- it's not my point today.

My point is that when we are full of guilt and condemnation,  there is no room for the good stuff that God wants to give us.

Tough women are full of self-condemnation, I have discovered.  We like to beat ourselves up over the past, over our mistakes, over the mis-use of our resources, over how we just spoke to the cashier...on and on... I believe the problem is thinking we have to store this stuff instead of just getting rid of it!

In the Bible study I lead (full of Tough Women inmates), we talk about all of this.  Today we're talking about integrity.  So, as the leader of the group,  I have to check whether or not I am clear of conscience -- and suddenly, I am reminded of something that I have been pushing away.  It's not a "big deal" as in "adultery" or "theft", but it is a small deal --- a little fudging of the truth, a little blurry line that I have not been paying attention to.  Back in the days of my drug addiction and rampant sexual behavior, it would have seemed like the least of my problems -- but today, it is there -- and I know it has been there for awhile, and I am also aware that its presence in my life has kept me from being totally available to God's Spirit working in me.  So what do I do with the awareness of the sin that has been running in the background for many months?

Here are some storage options: 

Stuff it like you do with those bags that you suck the air out of -- they make big things smaller, until you undo them.  I can just keep pushing it away from me.  Further and further back into the closet, piling it on top of other bags...
Archive the bad stuff -- like I do in my computer once a month. Just  zip up the files so they are smaller and take up less virtual space. 

The trouble is you always run out of room.  The trouble is it keeps coming back to overwhelm us.


The storage solution that  God offers is fairly straightforward:  

 1 John 1:9 -- confess your sins and he'll clean up the mess and toss it out for you.

Seems easy enough.  Say you're sorry and get on with your life. Don't keep putting it in storage. 

Assuming that we already knew this, what would be our reasons for storing instead of tossing? Here's a couple of possibilities:

We like the sin and we don't feel safe without it.  We think we might need it again, and we're not really ready to say "take it, Lord."

This was the case with the sin I ran into -- it is a self-preservation mechanism that makes me feel safe.  This feeling of unsafety is a welcome stronghold for Satan -- he loves to put his foot right in there and pry it open.  (God doesn't exist, he whispers -- God is angry with you.  God isn't looking out for your best interest.  He might overlook you.  You're too bad for Him to bother with; look at everyone else -- more important than you -- that He has to deal with...)

We like the condemnation --

The way that some enjoy torturing that little, painful corner of their cuticle is the same way some people like to remind themselves of all the horrible things they have done in the past.  It satisfies a strange longing to confirm the badness within.


Here's what we do when we allow ourselves to hold onto the sin in our lives, for whatever reason --
We use up good God space.

When we are occupied with stuffing sin into the back of the closet, we are not fully present.  We are not fully truthful.  We are not fully clean, and we can't completely fellowship with a perfect God.

This is not more fodder for self-condemnation -- to make you strive to be perfect.  The perfection does not come from our efforts, but only from our willingness to let God change us.  If we are holding on to something "safe", part of us is not holding on to Him.

The other thing is that God is good and He wants good for us. 

The tough woman self-preservation instinct has got to go.  We don't trust, and that's part of our make-up, but this is One we can trust.  This is One who really won't go away and leave us hanging.  This is One who doesn't just say "I love you".  He shows it every day.  He is the One we've been waiting for.

So give  Him the key to your storage unit, and believe He won't rip you off.

Aposematism: The Wrong Armor

Some tough women resemble certain animals in the wild:  they call attention to themselves with strange colors and designs -- purple hair stripes, endless tatoos, tongue, eye, and lip piercings --  not to attract, but to warn anyone coming near them that there may be a deeper danger lurking.
Tough women don't trust themselves not to let others get too close, so they put out every signal to keep them away.  In science, this  strategy is known as "aposematism"  -- the skunk's white tail, the strange odor from insects, the blowfish, twice its actual size -- all act as warnings.  Stay away from me, or you could really get hurt.

It gives the enemy time to pause and rethink its strategy, and gives the tough woman time to run in the opposite direction, to escape a potentially heart-breaking encounter.

Like the blowfish, we have been known to puff ourselves up dramatically -- full of sarcasm, hurtful words, biting jokes, gossiping, threats, betrayals -- anything to make us look fearless and foreboding.

Tough women need a tough armor.

But what I have come to understand is this:  Our armor is all wrong!  We think these methods of keeping others at bay will protect us from harm.  What God tells me is that His armor is so much better.

We must transfer the armor!

In Ephesians 4, we are told to put off those old, aposematic defenses -- anger, clamor, slander, filthy language --- these are techniques that let people know where we stand, who we are, and not to mess with us.  The trouble is, it's corrupt, it's decaying.  It doesn't hold up over time.  We are full of holes and easy targets.  Our emotions spill out all over everything, and we are not able so save ourselves.

Here's the armor that God gives us:  the helmet of salvation, the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the sword of the Spirit, the shoes of peace.  He tells us to put on kindness, tender-heartedness, forgiveness,  joy, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.  There is not one hole left where we can be hurt.  This Redemption Love that He pours all over us seals us against any enemy who wants to attack.

We are covered with His oily, impenetrable Love armor.

But beware:  if you try to put on His armor over your old, corrupted, decaying armor the results will be something like what you found in your lunch box on Monday after you left it over the weekend.  You can't seal something like that.

You must put off the old stuff -- take off that slimy, worthless armor that has never given you anything but more stress and pain, and put on the new armor that God has designed just for you.  Designer Armor, if you will. This armor protects your tender heart.  It keeps the enemy from whispering those lies into your ear --
"You're not good enough."  "You're not smart enough."  "You're not able to keep this up. You're getting tired." 

God wants to teach us a whole new way to fight --

Tough women need a tough God.

Put off the works of the dark, arming ourselves with light -- Romans 13:12

The Abba Thing: A tough thing for tough women who love God

Abba?  I'm supposed to call God "Abba"  Like "Daddy"?  Tough women have a hard time with the whole Daddy thing.  I have been taking a poll -- based on a theory -- and so far, it comes out just as I expected.
Tough women didn't get on so well with their fathers, if they even had one in the picture.

Sometimes the fathers were abusive -- physically, even sexually.  Sometimes they were just critical and distant.  Most often, they were absent.  I am never surprised when I ask a woman whom I consider "a tough woman"  about her father and she just shrugs, gives me that look...and says something like "What father"?

Go ahead and try it.  Pick out a woman  you think  to is one of these  "tough women"  and ask about her father.  The women who are not "tough", who feel a little more comfortable in their woman-ness -- when you ask them about their fathers, they say, "Daddy"?  "I love my daddy". 

Now this brings up a whole slew of points to make -- many of which I am not qualified to make -- about the psychological impact an absent or critical father has on the self-identity of a girl as she is growing into a woman,  or about  if you are the father of a little girl, you had better listen up...

But the one point I can make is that this whole Daddy thing messes with a Christian woman's ability to  love the Father and to be loved by Him.

The other night, I was reading a passage from the Amplified Bible.  It was in John 16, verse 27.  Here Jesus was talking to his disciples about His Father as He was preparing them for his (Jesus') leaving.  I am paraphrasing somewhat: 

I won't need to plead to the Father on your behalf -- Jesus tells them-- you can do it -- Why?  Because the Father TENDERLY loves you.

This word "tenderly" doesn't show up in every translation ( I have checked several), but it showed up in the Amplified that night,  and it jumped out at me like words of a love letter from someone I didn't even think had noticed me.

The Father TENDERLY loves me!  Until that moment, I did not realize how hungry I was to be loved tenderly by my Father, or perhaps by my earthly (absent) father.  I guess I had reasoned that Jesus loved me (this I know!) and that the Father loved Jesus, so by association, the Father loved me.

I have been a student of the Bible for over 20 years.  I devour Scripture.  I loved to study, and memorize and apply Scripture.  But I have to say that until that instant, I did not accept the fact that the Father Himself loved me. 

You could argue that I haven't read well enough, or studied deeply enough -- or that I should have tried another translation earlier in my walk.  But I think I just wasn't ready until recently to accept that truth.  Too much baggage.  Too many barriers between me and my heavenly Father -- and some of them were not put there by me.  They came from generations of  fathers who didn't do a good job of assuring their daughters and sons that they would be there for the long haul, to protect, and defend, and to hold tenderly.

I have forgiven my father, and my father's father, and my mother's father -- but it still had an impact on me and my ability to be loved by my heavenly Father.

I have discovered that most tough women can love, but we cannot easily receive it.  We can protect and defend like wild cats; we can nurture and feed -- but to receive a tender love just busts you up inside.