"When am I going to stop being so hateful, judgemental, combative? When am I going to stop running into the old, dead me -- full of anger and competition?"
That's not the inmate talking, that's me.
That's the "born again, redeemed, perfect, renewed, crucified with Christ, living on the outside of the bars" ME talking.
Oh God! I know what Paul was talking about in Romans 7 -- the constant battle going on even now, when things should be calm and good and smooth and graceful.
I am still clunking around in my old flesh -- leather grinding leather -- taking on the world in a worldly way.
I go around snipping at people, noticing their mistakes, correcting their grammar, wondering why they don't lose weight, control themselves, talk more clearly, do the right things for the right reasons...
If it happens out here, with all my resources and peaceful surroundings -- how much more so for them -- both inside their cellblocks and when they get out on the streets?
They are bombarded with the clutter of past dramas, the wrong people, bad habits, expectations from the people who have known them all of their lives and don't want to see them change.
The only chance either of us has -- both them and me -- is to submit our clay to His Hands day by day. Don't beat yourself up too badly, recognize that you've made a mistake and continue. To do otherwise is to play into Satan's clever plan to keep us so focused on ourselves -for better or for worse -- that we forget the real goal of this life we are living.
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