The one thing that always amazes me as I drive from my home in the country to the city -- the number of storage spaces. It seems that wherever I go, new land is being cleared to develop large buildings where people store their stuff that doesn't fit into their homes. I am not going to comment on what that's all about -- it's not my point today.
My point is that when we are full of guilt and condemnation, there is no room for the good stuff that God wants to give us.
Tough women are full of self-condemnation, I have discovered. We like to beat ourselves up over the past, over our mistakes, over the mis-use of our resources, over how we just spoke to the cashier...on and on... I believe the problem is thinking we have to store this stuff instead of just getting rid of it!
In the Bible study I lead (full of Tough Women inmates), we talk about all of this. Today we're talking about integrity. So, as the leader of the group, I have to check whether or not I am clear of conscience -- and suddenly, I am reminded of something that I have been pushing away. It's not a "big deal" as in "adultery" or "theft", but it is a small deal --- a little fudging of the truth, a little blurry line that I have not been paying attention to. Back in the days of my drug addiction and rampant sexual behavior, it would have seemed like the least of my problems -- but today, it is there -- and I know it has been there for awhile, and I am also aware that its presence in my life has kept me from being totally available to God's Spirit working in me. So what do I do with the awareness of the sin that has been running in the background for many months?
Here are some storage options:
Stuff it like you do with those bags that you suck the air out of -- they make big things smaller, until you undo them. I can just keep pushing it away from me. Further and further back into the closet, piling it on top of other bags...
Archive the bad stuff -- like I do in my computer once a month. Just zip up the files so they are smaller and take up less virtual space.
The trouble is you always run out of room. The trouble is it keeps coming back to overwhelm us.
The storage solution that God offers is fairly straightforward:
1 John 1:9 -- confess your sins and he'll clean up the mess and toss it out for you.
Seems easy enough. Say you're sorry and get on with your life. Don't keep putting it in storage.
Assuming that we already knew this, what would be our reasons for storing instead of tossing? Here's a couple of possibilities:
We like the sin and we don't feel safe without it. We think we might need it again, and we're not really ready to say "take it, Lord."
This was the case with the sin I ran into -- it is a self-preservation mechanism that makes me feel safe. This feeling of unsafety is a welcome stronghold for Satan -- he loves to put his foot right in there and pry it open. (God doesn't exist, he whispers -- God is angry with you. God isn't looking out for your best interest. He might overlook you. You're too bad for Him to bother with; look at everyone else -- more important than you -- that He has to deal with...)
We like the condemnation --
The way that some enjoy torturing that little, painful corner of their cuticle is the same way some people like to remind themselves of all the horrible things they have done in the past. It satisfies a strange longing to confirm the badness within.
Here's what we do when we allow ourselves to hold onto the sin in our lives, for whatever reason --
We use up good God space.
When we are occupied with stuffing sin into the back of the closet, we are not fully present. We are not fully truthful. We are not fully clean, and we can't completely fellowship with a perfect God.
This is not more fodder for self-condemnation -- to make you strive to be perfect. The perfection does not come from our efforts, but only from our willingness to let God change us. If we are holding on to something "safe", part of us is not holding on to Him.
The other thing is that God is good and He wants good for us.
The tough woman self-preservation instinct has got to go. We don't trust, and that's part of our make-up, but this is One we can trust. This is One who really won't go away and leave us hanging. This is One who doesn't just say "I love you". He shows it every day. He is the One we've been waiting for.
So give Him the key to your storage unit, and believe He won't rip you off.
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